Morality consists of suspecting other people of not being legally married.

Few people think more than two or three times a year; I have made an international reputation for myself by thinking once or twice a week.

I find it easy to forgive the man who invented a devilish instrument like dynamite, but how can one ever forgive the diabolical mind that invented the Nobel Prize in Literature?

An English army led by an Irish general: that might be a match for a French army led by an Italian general.

I fought linotype and montype for some time because it would not justify as well as handset could be made to do; but at last, as always happens, the machine outdid the hand, and got all the best types on it.

The joy in life is to be used for a purpose. I want to be used up when I die.

If you go to Heaven without being naturally qualified for it you will not enjoy yourself there.