My father must have had some elementary education for he could read and write and keep accounts inaccurately

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who can't sleep with the window shut, and a woman who can't sleep with the window open.

A third variety of drama ... begins as tragedy with scraps of fun in it ... and ends in comedy without mirth in it, the place of mirth being taken by a more or less bitter and critical irony.

As people get their opinions so largely from the newspapers they read... But the Press is not free, the newspapers are owned by rich men.

I fought linotype and montype for some time because it would not justify as well as handset could be made to do; but at last, as always happens, the machine outdid the hand, and got all the best types on it.

A man of genius is not a man who sees more than other men do. On the contrary, it is very often found that he is absentminded andobserves much less than other people.... Why is it that the public have such an exaggerated respect for him--after he is dead? The reason is that the man of genius understands the importance of the few things he sees.

Where there is no religion, hypocrisy becomes good taste.