Geniuses are horrid, intolerant, easily offended, sleeplessly self-conscious men, who expect their wives to be angels with no further business in life than to pet and worship their husbands. Even at the best they are not comfortable men to live with; and a perfect husband is one who is perfectly comfortable to live with.

I prefer the man who calls his nonsense a mystery to him who who pretends it is a weighed, measured, analyzed fact.

When the military man approaches, the world locks up its spoons and packs off its womankind.

Alcohol is a very necessary article. It enables Parliament to do things at eleven at night that no sane person would do at eleven in the morning.

I sold flowers. I didn't sell myself. Now you've made a lady of me I'm not fit to sell anything else.

The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech.

Man's inhumanity to man is only surpassed by his cruelty to animals