All this struggling and striving to make the world better is a great mistake. Not that it's wrong to try to improve the world if you know how but simply because struggling and striving are the worst possible ways to go about doing anything!

The fickleness of the women I love is only equalled by the infernal constancy of the women who love me.

No child should be brought up to suppose that its food and clothes come down from heaven or are miraculously conjured from empty space by papa. Loathsome as we have made the idea of duty (like the idea of work) we must habituate children to a sense of repayable obligation to the community for what they consume and enjoy, and inculcate the repayment as a point of honor.

When asked which dog wins, he reflected for a moment and replied, "The one I feed the most."

He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That points clearly to a political career.

Take care to get what you like or you will be forced to like what you get.

If the announcer can produce the impression that he is a gentleman, he may pronounce as he pleases.