Women upset everything. When you let them into your life, you find that the woman is driving at one thing and you're driving at another.

I must ... warn my readers that my attacks are directed against themselves, not against my stage figures.

I don't want to talk grammar. I want to talk like a lady.

Liquor is the chloroform which enables the poor man to endure the painful operation of living.

The average age (longevity) of a meat eater is 63. I am on the verge of 85 and still work as hard as ever. I have lived quite long enough and am trying to die; but I simply cannot do it. A single beef-steak would finish me; but I cannot bring myself to swallow it. I am oppressed with a dread of living forever. That is the only disadvantage of vegetarianism.

An asylum for the sane would be empty in America.

It is most unwise for people in love to marry.