I was convinced that Ceylon is the cradle of the human race because everybody there looks an original. All other nations are obviously mass produced.

The seven deadly sins... food, clothing, firing, rent, taxes, respectability and children. Nothing can lift those seven millstones from Man's neck but money; and the spirit cannot soar until the millstones are lifted.

The fact that we can become accustomed to anything, however disgusting at first, makes it necessary to examine carefully everything we have become accustomed to.

When a stupid man is doing something he is ashamed of, he always declares that it is his duty.

A man without an address is a vagabond; a man with two addresses is a libertine.

The function of comedy is to dispelunconsciousness by turning the searchlight of the keenest moral and intellectual analysisright on to it.

The liar's punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.