The ability to make witty observations is commonly refered to as "cynism" by people who lack it.

The haughty American nation ... makes the Negro clean its boots and then proves the moral and physical inferiority of the Negro by the fact that he is a bootblack.

A book is like a child: it is easier to bring it into the world than to control it when it is launched there.

I find that the moment I let a woman make friends with me, she becomes jealous, exacting, suspicious, and a damned nuisance. I find that the moment I let myself make friends with a woman, I become selfish and tyrannical.

The notion that the colonel need be a better man than the private is as confused as the notion that the keystone need be stronger than the coping stone.

I occasionally swank a little because people like it; a modest man is such a nuisance.

This is my father. Try what you can with him! He won't listen to me, because he remembers what a fool I was when I was a baby.