The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it.

A lifetime of happiness! No man alive could bear it: it would be hell on earth.

The philosopher is Nature's pilot. And there you have our difference: to be in hell is to drift: to be in heaven is to steer.

Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life. But I go marching on.

Only Lawyers and mental defectives are automatically exempt for jury duty.

The play was a great success, but audience was a dismal failure.

Thus, I blush to add, you can not be a philosopher and a good man, though you may be a philosopher and a great one.