He never does a proper thing without giving an improper reason for it.

I'm sick of all the reasonable people: they see all the reasons for doing nothing

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.

HIGGINS. Have you no morals, man? DOOLITTLE [unabashed] Cant afford them, Governor. Neither could you if you was as poor as me.

If women were as fastidious as men, morally or physically, there would be an end of the race.

If only for a half hour a day, a child should do something serviceable to the community

I talk democracy to these men and women. I tell them that they have the vote, and that theirs is the kingdom and the power and the glory. I say to them You are supreme: exercise your power. They say, That's right: tell us what to do; and I tell them. I say Exercise our vote intelligently by voting for me. And they do. That's democracy; and a splendid thing it is too for putting the right men in the right place.