I never climbed any ladder: I have achieved eminence by sheer gravitation.

Morality is not respectability.

Every fool believes what his teachers tell him, and calls his credulity science or morality as confidently as his father called it divine revelation.

The greatest evils and the worst of crimes is poverty; our first duty, a duty to which every other consideration should be sacrificed, is not to be poor.

If all the economists were laid end to end, they'd never reach a conclusion.

Without music we shall surely perish of drink, morphia, and all sorts of artificial exaggerations of the cruder delights of the senses.

I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend... if you have one.