Ev'ry heart beats true 'neath the Red, White and Blue

As a composer I could never find use for over 4 or 5 notes in any musical number, and as a playwright most of my plays have two acts because i couldn't think of an idea for the third act.

I can write better plays than any living danced, and dance better than any living playwright.

I don't care what you say about me, as long as you say something about me, and as long as you spell my name right.

Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all.

Ladies and gentlemen, my mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you!

Don't tell 'em - SHOW 'em!