I don't care what they call me as long as they mention my name.

I can write better plays than any living danced, and dance better than any living playwright.

Ev'ry heart beats true 'neath the Red, White and Blue

As a composer I could never find use for over 4 or 5 notes in any musical number, and as a playwright most of my plays have two acts because i couldn't think of an idea for the third act.

Ladies and gentlemen, my mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you!

Don't tell 'em - SHOW 'em!

Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all.