Ladies and gentlemen, my mother thanks you, my father thanks you, my sister thanks you, and I thank you!

You're a grand old flag! You're a high-flying flag, And forever in peace may you wave. You're the emblem of the land I love, The home of the free and the brave. Ev'ry heart beats true 'Neath the Red, White and Blue,' Where there's never a boast or brag. But should auld acquaintance be forgot, Keep your eye on the grand old flag.

Whatever you do kid, always serve it with a little dressing.

As a composer I could never find use for over 4 or 5 notes in any musical number, and as a playwright most of my plays have two acts because i couldn't think of an idea for the third act.

Hurried and worried until we're buried, and there's no curtain call, Lifes a very funny proposition after all.

I can write better plays than any living danced, and dance better than any living playwright.

Don't tell 'em - SHOW 'em!