Foreigners have souls; the English haven't.

You must not refuse any additional cups of tea under the following circumstances: if it is hot; if it is cold; if you are tired; if anybody thinks that you might be tired; if you are nervous; if you are gay; before you go out; if you are out; if you have just returned home; if you feel like it; if you do not feel like it; if you have had no tea for some time; if you have just had a cup.

In England the boy pats his adored one on the back and says softly, "I don't object, you know." If he is quite mad with passion, he may add: "I rather fancy you, in fact.

Rich people (in Australia) have swimming pools in their gardens but, at least, they do swim in them.

English humor resembles the Loch Ness Monster in that both are famous but there is a strong suspicion that neither exists.

On the Continent stray cats are judged individually on their merit-some are loved, some are only respected; in England they are universally worshipped as in ancient Egypt.

The Americans are extremely gadget minded people and American gadgets have a peculiar characteristic: they work.