And Noah he often said to his wife when he sat down to dine, "I don't care where the water goes if it doesn't get into the wine."

There is nothing the matter with Americans except their ideals. The real American is all right; it is the ideal American who is all wrong.

Man is more himself, man is more manlike, when Joy is the fundamental thing in him, and Grief the superficial. Melancholy should be an innocent interlude, a tender and fugitive state of mind; Praise should be the permanent pulsation of the soul. Pessimism is at best an emotional half-holiday; Joy is the uproarious labor by which all things live? Christianity satisfies suddenly and perfectly man's ancestral instinct for being the right way up; satisfies it supremely in this, that by its creed Joy becomes something gigantic, and Sadness something special and small.

Every man who will not have softening of the heart must at last have softening of the brain

Children are grateful when Santa Claus puts in their stockings gifts of toys or sweets. Could I not be grateful to Santa Claus when he put in my stockings the gift of two miraculous legs? We thank people for birthday presents of cigars and slippers. Can I thank no one for the birthday present of birth?

No man can break any of the Ten Commandments. He can only break himself against them.

I believe your own accent is inimitable, though I shall practice it in my bath.