Somebody has to keep score and I decided I was going to do it. I'm a born score-keeper and I realize, like an umpire, that my decisions may cause distress.

Most writers write books that they wouldn't read. I ought to know; I've done it myself.

Since nothing is free, to each his price.

The critics are like tourists who return from a trip saying they've "done" Machu Picchu: "Okay, we've done magical realism," so now we can throw it out.

The problem with most Americans is that they don't like any question that takes more than ten seconds to answer.

Next to "I win," "I told you so" are the sweetest words.

Every time a friend succeeds, I die a little.