My philosophy, like color television, is all there in black and white.

I think that all good, right thinking people in this country are sick and tired of being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being told that all good, right thinking people in this country are fed up with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not, and I'm sick and tired of being told that I am.

Exploding is a perfectly normal medical phenomenon.

Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government.

I fart in your general direction.

Are you suggesting coconuts migrate?

McGough: I'm sorry. I'm afraid I've caught poetry. Mr Bones: Oh really? Well, don't worry, sir - I used to suffer from short stories. McGough: Really? When? Mr Bones: Oh, once upon a time...