Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

If you want to find guys with small penises, go to the Hummer dealership.

I've finally been able to trust and have intimacy with somebody, which I've never been able to do. Like a lot of guys, I just have a hard time getting that connected. I can actually sleep with her in my arms - spoons position, right? Women smile, they love the spoons. Men would rather fork.

Trickle-down economics - it didn't work. The whole idea was supply-side economics: give rich people a lot of money; they'll spend it, it'll go into the economy. Here's what we found out - rich people, really good at keeping all the money. That's how they got rich. If you want it in the economy, give it to the poor people. You know what they're really good at? Spending all their money.

They just tested the tap water in Los Angeles and they found traces of estrogen and antidepressants in the tap water. So it's nice to know my son's going to grow up and have huge breasts but it's not going to bother him that much.

We are now able to create virtual realities on computers. Are we all living in one created by someone in the future?

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?