Same thing every year, getting up at the crack of dawn, drinking, fighting, throwing up, pissing on walls and then you leave the house and things get bad.

When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you can make banana bread out of it. I have never seen anyone actually do it.

Trickle-down economics - it didn't work. The whole idea was supply-side economics: give rich people a lot of money; they'll spend it, it'll go into the economy. Here's what we found out - rich people, really good at keeping all the money. That's how they got rich. If you want it in the economy, give it to the poor people. You know what they're really good at? Spending all their money.

I'm kinda stuck in that awkward in-between stage where my hair is just starting to fall out, but I'm still maintaining my youthful acne.

Driving around with a receding hairline and two kids in a Prius feels a bit boring for me.

Don't be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober... I'm dead inside.

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?