There's so many ways to do stand up, and I think, for awhile, people weren't really maximizing the freedom of it. We were all kind of doing a similar kind of stand up, and I started to see some original voices come out of Boston.

Taking down the Christmas tree makes it feel official: time to get back to joyless and cynical.

If we don't have souls then who am I talking to when I keep telling myself to be good?

They say no one knows if we all see red the same way. Except traffic cops.

When a banana gets rotten people love to tell you that you can make banana bread out of it. I have never seen anyone actually do it.

Don't be like me. Look at me: monogamous, in shape, no debt, sober... I'm dead inside.

I realized that every second that I'm alive, the world cares less about me. It's just a very linear, downward progression. And it sounds cynical because you guys are young and you're full with life. I want you to understand - this is it. You have nothing to look forward to because you're peaking. If you're not having fun now, kill yourself. I don't mean that in a bad way, just - it's not worth it to go forward.