Eric Holder sees everything through the prism of race. He keeps that mustache because shaving cream is white.

There are always gonna be people that are gonna be offended about something. This will never end.

Commencement addresses are usually garbage. They're for colleges seeking publicity.

Steer clear of pot. It's an ambition zapper. Wait till you've made it. When you're 45 buy a bong. But for now, buy a suit.

Hollywood's schizophrenia over guns is matched only by their attitude toward taxes. Ever wonder why they film in Vancouver so often? It ain't for the beaches, I can tell you.

Whenever there's an act of terror, its guns, its Christians, it's republicans, but the FBI can't say Islamism because it's too politically incorrect. And nobody wants to lose their job, it comes from the top. I think they lack the manpower to do their jobs. It's not about changing the FBI; it's about changing the way they do business.

The people who whine about Fox News are hypocrites - they say they're totally tolerant, but when they run into someone who doesn't share their assumptions, they say, 'Fox News is evil, and it must be stopped.