Some boys go to college and eventually succeed in getting out. Others go to college and never succeed in getting out. The latter are called professors.

If the average man is made in God's image, then a man such as Beethoven or Aristotle is plainly superior to God, and so God may be jealous of him, and eager to see his superiority perish with his bodily frame.

Youth, though it may lack knowledge, is certainly not devoid of intelligence; it sees through shams with sharp and terrible eyes.

All [zoos] actually offer to the public in return for the taxes spent upon them is a form of idle and witless amusement, compared to which a visit to a penitentiary, or even to a State legislature in session, is informing, stimulating and ennobling.

Happiness is peace after strife, the overcoming of difficulties, the feeling of security and well-being. The only really happy folk are married women and single men.

I know some who are constantly drunk on books as other men are drunk on whiskey.

The difference between the smartest dog and the stupidest man - say a Tennessee Holy Roller - is really very small.