I am a strict monogamist: it is twenty years since I last went to bed with two women at once, and then I was in my cups and not myself.

An author, like any other so-called artist, is a man in whom the normal vanity of all men is so vastly exaggerated that he finds it a sheer impossibility to hold it in. His over-powering impulse is to gyrate before his fellow men, flapping his wings and emitting defiant yells. This being forbidden by the police of all civilized nations, he takes it out by putting his yells on paper. Such is the thing called self-expression.

It is the dull man who is always sure, and the sure man who is always dull.

A man full of faith is simply one who has lost the capacity for clear and realistic thought.

If x is the population of the United States and y is the degree of imbecility of the average American, then democracy is the theory that x times y is less than y

How little it takes to make life unbearable: a pebble in the shoe, a cockroach in the spaghetti, a woman's laugh.

The motive of fear is the be-all and end-all of religion.