People say we need religion when what they really mean is we need police.

Christian - One who is willing to serve three Gods, but draws the line at one wife.

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

The editors are committed to nothing save this: to keep common sense as fast as they can, to belabor sham as agreeably as possible, to give civilized entertainment.

After all, the world is not our handiwork, and we are not responsible for what goes on in it, save within very narrow limits.

Jury - A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

I go on working for the same reason that a hen goes on laying eggs. There is in every living creature an obscure but powerful impulse to active functioning. Life demands to be lived. Inaction, save as a measure of recuperation between bursts of activity, is painful and dangerous to the healthy organism- in fact, it is almost impossible. Only the dying can be really idle.