Of learned men, the clergy show the lowest development of professional ethics. Any pastor is free to cadge customers from the divines of rival sects, and to denounce the divines themselves as theological quacks.

Probably the worst thing that has happened in America in my time is the decay of confidence in the courts. No one can be sure any more that in a given case they will uphold the plainest mandate of the Constitution. On the contrary, everyone begins to be more or less convinced in advance that they won't. Judges are chosen not because they know the Constitution and are in favor of it, but precisely because they appear to be against it.

Whenever a reporter is assigned to cover a Methodist conference, he comes home an atheist.

Popularity--The capacity for listening sympathetically when men boast of their wives and women complain of their husbands.

The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous.

[T]here is only one sound argument for democracy, and that is the argument that it is a crime for any man to hold himself out as better than other men, and, above all, a most heinous offense for him to prove it.

I hate sports the way people who like sports hate common sense.