A man loses his sense of direction after four drinks; a woman loses hers after four kisses.

Human life is basically a comedy. Even its tragedies often seem comic to the spectator, and not infrequently they actually have comic touches to the victim. Happiness probably consists largely in the capacity to detect and relish them. A man who can laugh, if only at himself, is never really miserable.

Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago.

In any combat between a rogue and a fool the sympathy of mankind is always with the rogue.

The New Deal began, like the Salvation Army, by promising to save humanity. It ended, again like the Salvation Army, by running flop-houses and disturbing the peace.

If there were only three women left in the world, two of them would immediately convene a court-martial to try the other one.

If experience teaches us anything at all, it teaches us this: that a good politician, under democracy, is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar.