The scientist who yields anything to theology, however slight, is yielding to ignorance and false pretenses, and as certainly as if he granted that a horse-hair put into a bottle of water will turn into a snake.

The other day a dog peed on me. A bad sign.

Immortality is the condition of a dead man who doesn't believe he is dead

If I ever mary, it will be on a suddn impulse - as aman shoots himself

Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

The instant I reach Heaven, I'm going to speak to God very sharply.

Man weeps to think that he will die so soon; woman, that she was born so long ago.