Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

Courtroom : A place where Jesus Christ and Judas Iscariot would be equals, with the betting odds favoring Judas.

For me to go into politics would be like sending a virgin into a house of ill-repute.

It seems to me that society usually wins. There are, to be sure, free spirits in the world, but their freedom, in the last analysis, is not much greater than that of a canary in a cage. They may leap from perch to perch; they may bathe and guzzle at their will; they may flap their wings and sing. But they are still in the cage, and soon or late it conquers them.

A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.

War is the only sport which is genuinely amusing. And it is the only sport which has any intelligible use.

Justice is what you get when you run out of money.