Equality before the law is probably forever unattainable. It is a noble ideal, but it can never be realized, for what men value in this world is not rights but privileges.

The music critic, Huneber, could never quite make up his mind about a new symphony until he had seen the composer's mistress.

It is, indeed, one of the capital tragedies of youth-and youth is the time of real tragedy-that the young are thrown mainly with adults they do not quite respect.

If all the lawyers were hanged tomorrow, and their bones were sold to a mah jong factory, we'd all be freer and safer, and our taxes would be reduced by almost a half.

Socialism: nothing more than the theory that the slave is always more virtuous than his master.

Thanksgiving Day is a day devoted by persons with inflammatory rheumatism to thanking a loving Father that it is not hydrophobia.

The way to hold a husband is to keep him a little jealous; the way to lose him is to keep him a little more jealous.