Popularity--The capacity for listening sympathetically when men boast of their wives and women complain of their husbands.

I am, in fact, the complete anti-Messiah, and detest converts almost as much as I detest missionaries. My writings, such as they are, have had only one purpose: to attain for H. L. Mencken that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.

The editors are committed to nothing save this: to keep common sense as fast as they can, to belabor sham as agreeably as possible, to give civilized entertainment.

Our whole practical government is grounded in mob psychology and the Boobus Americanus will follow any command that promises to make him safer.

Man makes love by braggadocio, and woman makes love by listening.

You never push a noun against a verb without trying to blow up something.

Man is a natural polygamist: he always has one woman leading him by the nose, and another hanging on to his coattails.