Government is actually the worst failure of civilized man.

A Puritan is someone who is desperately afraid that, somewhere, someone might be having a good time.

The function of a newspaper in a democracy is to stand as a sort of chronic opposition to the reigning quacks. The minute it begins to out-whoop them it forfeits its character and becomes ridiculous.

Democracy the domination of unreflective and timorous men, moved in vast herds by mob conditions.

Of government, at least in democratic states, it may be said briefly that it is an agency engaged wholesale, and as a matter of solemn duty, in the performance of acts which all self-respecting individuals refrain from as a matter of common decency.

Women hate revolutions and revolutionists. They like men who are docile, and well-regarded at the bank, and never late at meals.

Never let your inferiors do you a favor - it will be extremely costly.