The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The most valuable of all human possessions, next to a superior and disdainful air, is the reputation of being well-to-do.

One of the main purposes of laws in a democratic society is to put burdens upon intelligence and reduce it to impotence. Ostensibly, their aim is to penalize anti-social acts; actually their aim is to penalize heretical opinions. At least ninety-five Americans out of every 100 believe that this process is honest and even laudable; it is practically impossible to convince them that there is anything evil in it. In other words, they cannot grasp the concept of liberty.

Friendship is a common belief in the same fallacies, mountebanks and hobgoblins.

The verdict of a jury is the a priori opinion of that juror who smokes the worst cigars.

Kant was probably the worst writer ever heard of on earth before Karl Marx. Some of his ideas were really quite simple, but he always managed to make them seem unintelligible. I hope he is in Hell.

How little it takes to make life unbearable: a pebble in the shoe, a cockroach in the spaghetti, a woman's laugh.