Lawyer: one who protects us against robbery by taking away the temptation.

War is the only sport which is genuinely amusing. And it is the only sport which has any intelligible use.

Jealousy is the theory that some other fellow has just as little taste.

Whenever a reporter is assigned to cover a Methodist conference, he comes home an atheist.

Any man who afflicts the human race with ideas must be prepared to see them misunderstood.

If I had my way, any man guilty of golf would be barred from any public office in the United States and the families of the breed would be shipped off to the white slave corrals of Argentina.

Our whole practical government is grounded in mob psychology and the Boobus Americanus will follow any command that promises to make him safer.