Suicide is a belated acquiescence in the opinion of one's wife's relatives.

War may make a fool of man, but it by no means degrades him; on the contrary, it tends to exalt him, and its net effects are much like those of motherhood on women.

Every failure teaches a man something, to wit, that he will probably fail again.

Truth would quickly cease to be stranger than fiction, once we got as used to it.

Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in their readiness to doubt.

Jury - A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

When we appropriate money from the public funds to pay for vaccinating a horde of negroes, we do not do it because we have any sympathy for them or because we crave their blessings, but simply because we don't want them to be falling ill of smallpox