The saddest life is that of a political aspirant under democracy. His failure is ignominious and his success is disgraceful.

Who ever heard, indeed, of an autobiography that was not (interesting)? I can recall none in all the literature of the world

There is no record in the history of a nation that ever gained anything valuable by being unable to defend itself.

I am, in fact, the complete anti-Messiah, and detest converts almost as much as I detest missionaries. My writings, such as they are, have had only one purpose: to attain for H. L. Mencken that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.

As for Lindbergh, another eminent servant of science, all he proved by his gaudy flight across the Atlantic was that God takes care of those who have been so fortunate as to come into the world foolish. Expressing skepticism that adventure does not necessarily contribute to scientific knowledge.

There is, it appears, a conspiracy of scientists afoot. Their purpose is to break down religion, propagate immorality, and so reduce mankind to the level of brutes. They are the sworn and sinister agents of Beelzebub, who yearns to conquer the world, and has his eye especially upon Tennessee.]

Every autobiography ... becomes an absorbing work of fiction, with something of the charm of a cryptogram.