The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack.

A home is not a mere transient shelter: its essence lies in the personalities of the people who live in it.

When a candidate for public office faces the voters he does not face men of sense; he faces a mob of men whose chief distinguishing mark is the fact that they are quite incapable of weighing ideas, or even of comprehending any save the most elemental - men whose whole thinking is done in terms of emotion, and whose dominant emotion is dread of what they cannot understand. So confronted, the candidate must either bark with the pack or be lost... All the odds are on the man who is, intrinsically, the most devious and mediocre.

Journalism is to politician as dog is to lamp-post.

The kind of man who demands that government enforce his ideas is always the kind whose ideas are idiotic.

I am, in fact, the complete anti-Messiah, and detest converts almost as much as I detest missionaries. My writings, such as they are, have had only one purpose: to attain for H. L. Mencken that feeling of tension relieved and function achieved which a cow enjoys on giving milk.

There are two impossibilities in life: "just one drink" and "an honest politician."