God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

The seasick passenger on an ocean liner detests the good sailor who stalks past him 265 times a day grandly smoking a large, greasy cigar. In precisely the same way the democrat hates the man who is having a better time in the world. This is the origin of democracy. It is also the origin of Puritanism.

Los Angeles: nineteen suburbs in search of a metropolis.

Some boys go to college and eventually succeed in getting out. Others go to college and never succeed in getting out. The latter are called professors.

Justice is what you get when you run out of money.

Some immemorial imbecilities have been added deliberately, on the ground that it is just as interesting to note how foolish men have been as to note how wise they have been.

The law is a sort of hocus-pocus science that smiles in your face while it picks your pocket.