God is a Republican, and Santa Claus is a Democrat.

He sailed through American history like a steel ship loaded with monoliths of granite.

There is no record in human history of a happy philosopher: they exist only in romantic legend.

Absence is the dark-room in which lovers develop negatives.

Never argue with a man whose job depends on not being convinced.

No married woman ever trusts her husband absolutely, nor does she ever act as if she did trust him. Her utmost confidence is as wary as an American pickpocket's confidence that the policeman on the beat will stay bought.

The first kiss is stolen by the man; the last is begged by the woman.