Whenever I write anything that sets up controversy its meaning is distorted almost instantly. Even the editorial writers of newspapers seem to be unable to understand the plainest sentence.

High-toned humanitarians constantly overestimate the sufferings of those they sympathize with.

I've made it a rule never to drink by daylight and never to refuse a drink after dark.

The only really respectable Protestants are the fundamentalists. Unfortunately, they are also palpable idiots.

During many a single week, I daresay, more money is spent in New York upon useless and evil things than would suffice to run the kingdom of Denmark for a year.

There are no mute, inglorious Miltons, save in the hallucinations of poets. The one sound test of a Milton is that he functions as a Milton.

The instant I reach Heaven, I'm going to speak to God very sharply.