Whenever "A" attempts by law to impose his moral standards upon "B," "A" is most likely a scoundrel.

That it should still be necessary, at this late stage in the senility of the human race to argue that women have a fine and fluent intelligence is surely an eloquent proof of the defective observation, incurable prejudice, and general imbecility of their lords and masters.

Only a jackass ever talks over his affairs with a woman, whether she be his sweetheart, wife, or sister, or mother.

One horse-laugh is worth ten thousand syllogisms. It is not only more effective; it is also vastly more intelligent.

In the main, there are two sorts of books: those that no one reads and those that no one ought to read.

Philadelphia is the most pecksniffian of American cities, and thus probably leads the world.

What is the function that a clergyman performs in the world? Answer: He gets his living by assuring idiots that he can save them from an imaginary hell.