But the truth of the matter is, to live a good life, as a good person, it doesn't matter how you got there. It just matters that you do.

Being silly is still allowed, not excluded by adulthood. What's excluded by adulthood is thoughtlessness, so be thoughtful and silly

I'm also pretty impressive when I'm shoving the neck of a lute into someone's chest cavity.

Some days, it seems to me like the purpose of life is to convert energy into beauty.

So the president is like, "Well, once upon a time it was Congress's job to decide whether or not we attacked countries, so let's let them decide." Which is funny, because, as we all know, if Congress were on fire, Congress could not pass the "Pour Water on Congress Act".

John Green is a very handsome, intelligent, and wise man. He smells really weird though.

You may be wondering why there are words on my hands. That's because I'm a dork. And I'm gonna choose not to explain myself.