So the president is like, "Well, once upon a time it was Congress's job to decide whether or not we attacked countries, so let's let them decide." Which is funny, because, as we all know, if Congress were on fire, Congress could not pass the "Pour Water on Congress Act".

I honestly don't know how you live without having a cat inside your house. It's like having a little living piece of art that is also very warm and soft.

I'm also pretty impressive when I'm shoving the neck of a lute into someone's chest cavity.

Bravery is not strength in the face of a far lesser foe. Bravery is the exact opposite of that.

You may be wondering why there are words on my hands. That's because I'm a dork. And I'm gonna choose not to explain myself.

Hoaxes are nothing new. News media isn't hard to fool. It's fun to fool and people like to mess with people. It all goes to show you that we're not all that hard to fool. I think we should just accept that and trust people anyway.

Why is it called Piggie-back riding? I'm not a piggie!