I can work as a writer, but I wanted to do stand-up. And I knew I could, at worst, work as a stand-up. And I like to travel, and I knew I wanted to do an hour special, so in order to get ready for that, I had to hit the road.

When somebody mangles one of my jokes, that bothers me more than somebody saying that I'm the worst comedian ever.

There's a lot of dudes in my neighborhood that have handlebar mustaches. Which is cool if you want to have a handlebar mustache but don't try to have a conversation with me like you don't have a handlebar mustache.

I didn't really get into comedy until a couple months before I started doing comedy.

I'm not like a super duper sneaker head. I got a couple pairs, but I'm not a "stand in line for sneakers" type of dude.

We'll keep you in our thoughts With the other bullshit in your heads? No, keep me out of your thoughts, because I hear some of the stuff you talk about and if that's close to what you're thinking about, I don't want to be around that, so keep me and my family out of your thoughts, unless you're thinking of making me a sandwich.

I'm a dumb guy. My point of view is limited.