If you can't pass the ball properly, a bowl of pasta's not going to make that much difference!

He's disappeared to Azerbaijan, or somewhere ridiculous in the world.

I write like a two-year-old and I can't spell.

Scholes was playing tiki-taka football when nobody in England knew what it was. He was another of those players, like Denis Law or Bobby Moore, who at 15 probably looked as if he wouldn't make it. Too small, you would think - can't run, dumpy little ginger nut - but then the ball would come to him and he would dazzle you. He was the best footballer in that Manchester United midfield, better than Ryan Giggs and Roy Keane.

I left a couple of my foreigners out last week and they started talking in foreign. I knew they were saying "Blah, blah, blah, le bastard manager..."

He is not injured. He's not fit. He's not fit to play football, unfortunately. He played in a reserve game the other day and I could have run about more than he did. I can't pick him.

I tape over most of them with Corrie or Neighbours. Most of them are crap. They can f***ing make anyone look good. I signed Marco Boogers off a video. He was a good player but a nutter. They didn't show that on the video.