I write like a two-year-old and I can't spell.

When I heard the draw I was out on the golf course. I had an eight-iron in one hand and my mobile in the other. When we came out with United, my club went further than the ball.

The only relaxed boss is Big Ron. He had me drinking pink champagne - before the match.

We've got sports scientists who insist it's important for the lads to eat after games to refuel, even if it's 2am. I used to refuel after games at West Ham until half past three in the morning in a different way - but then I'm old school.

He is not injured. He's not fit. He's not fit to play football, unfortunately. He played in a reserve game the other day and I could have run about more than he did. I can't pick him.

Luckily they had a stupid on their side too.

He's disappeared to Azerbaijan, or somewhere ridiculous in the world.