Most young people were getting jobs in big companies, becoming company men. I wanted to be individual.

Everybody has some one thing they do not want to lose," began the man. "You included. And we are professionals at finding out that very thing. Humans by necessity must have a midway point between their desires and their pride. Just as all objects must have a center of gravity. This is something we can pinpoint. Only when it is gone do people realize it even existed.

I found a Bill Evans record in the bookcase and was listening to it while drying my hair when I realized that it was the record I had played in Naoko's room on the night of her birthday, the night she cried and I took her in my arms. That had happened only six months earlier, but it felt like something from a much remoter past. Maybe it felt that way because I had thought about it so often-too often, to the point where it had distorted my sense of time.

As long as I was alive, I was something. That was just how it was. But somewhere along the way it all changed. Living turned me into nothing.

Autumn finally arrived. And when it did, I came to a decision. Something had to give: I couldn't keep on living like this.

This was something sure to be crammed full of warm secrets, like an antique clock built when peace filled the world.

It's basically impossible for everybody's justice to prevail or everybody's happiness to triumph, so chaos takes over.