He spends his life explaining from his pulpit that the glory of Christianity consists in the fact that though it is not true it has been found necessary to invent it.

Every reformation must have its victims. You can’t expect the fatted calf to share the enthusiasm of the angels over the prodigal’s return.

I hate posterity - it's so fond of having the last word.

In baiting a mousetrap with cheese, always leave room for the mouse.

On horseback he seemed to require as many hands as a Hindu god, at least four for clutching the reins, and two more for patting the horse soothingly on the neck.

Women and elephants never forget an injury.

The revenge of an elder sister may be long in coming, but, like a South-Eastern express, it arrives in its own good time.