I love Americans, but not when they try to talk French. What a blessing it is that they never try to talk English.

Hors d'oeuvres have always a pathetic interest for me; they remind me of one's childhood that one goes through wondering what the next course is going to be like - and during the rest of the menu one wishes one had eaten more of the hors d'oeuvres.

He spends his life explaining from his pulpit that the glory of Christianity consists in the fact that though it is not true it has been found necessary to invent it.

Mother, may I go and maffick, Tear around and hinder traffic?

Never be a pioneer. It's the early Christian that gets the fattest lion.

I hate posterity - it's so fond of having the last word.

I believe I once considerably scandalized her by declaring that clear soup was a more important factor in life than a clear conscience.