I came down to the living room one day and my wife was standing in the living room. It wasn't an illusion. I saw her out of the corner of my eye. The moment I saw her, she vanished.

The problem with Ireland is that it's a country full of genius, but with absolutely no talent.

I've always enjoyed a woman's company more than men's. They're usually better looking.

There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

My grandmother made dying her life's work.

I went through life like an idiot for a great deal of the time, saying there's nothing I would change. That was a very arrogant thing to say. There's a lot I would change. There are people I would have steered clear of.

In life there exist two classes: first class and no class.