February is always a bad month for TV sports. Football is gone, basketball is plodding along in the annual midseason doldrums, and baseball is not even mentioned.

I feel the same way about disco as I do about herpes.

In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone.

I have always hated bowling, and I don't mind admitting it.

In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.

Objective journalism is one of the main reasons that American politics has been allowed to be so corrupt for so long.

I'm a relatively respectable citizen. Multiple felon perhaps, but certainly not dangerous.