Who said anything about slicing you up? ... I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead-- nothing serious.

I'd almost prefer [Richard] Nixon. I'd say [Bill] Clinton is every bit as corrupt as Nixon, but a lot smoother.

We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.

Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously.

My greatest talent is in my ability to choose good friends. It's about as important as things get.

They don't hardly make 'em like him any more - but just to be on the safe side, he should be castrated anyway.

Good news is rare these days, and every glittering ounce of it should be cherished and hoarded and worshipped and fondled like a priceless diamond.