Before you make the key, study the lock.

Sorry to hear about your Dad." He shrugged. "He was seventy, and we always told him fast food would kill him." "Heart attack?" "He was hit by a Pizza Express truck.

If you can't be smart or funny, be brief.

There's a word for a writer who never gives up: published.

Sir, this lane is for ten items or less. I’m counting thirteen items in your cart, including that hemorrhoid cream. And while hemorrhoids might give you a reason to be nasty, they don’t give you a reason to be in this lane.

All you need to know about plotting is twofold. 1. Give your characters goals. 2. Don't let them reach those goals.

Write the best book you possibly can, then dedicate yourself to getting people to read it.